Beer & Morris dancing

Lawson's Morris blog

By an amazing coincidence the above videoed performance was not only watched by me at Shrewsbury, August Bank Holiday 2006, during the Folk Festival, but these are the chaps, The Ironmen performing the Benthall Stick Dance, who were instrumental in making me a dancer due to the joy and pleasure they gave me as a spectator!
I watched this dance in the town on the Saturday and can even be (just) seen to the left of the show!

Below is a picture I took of these chaps while watching them:

March 2007
And so it begins!!

Introduction

I have recently become a member of the Isca Morris men and have discovered the joys of being a sweaty man dancing with other sweaty men while bashing sticks about and waving hankies at each other and drinking good ale!
Well, the ale part is an old joy!
I am new to the game, having only been a member for a couple of weeks before the end of the practice season, so during this years itinery I will be dancing only two pieces, Constant Billy and Usktown Reel. Due to this the team have put me in charge of Galleon, the horse!
It's a hobby horse not a real one (see above picture to confirm it's inanimate status) and it's my job to "chase" the audience with it!

This is quite an old picture and Galleon was then in good condition.
However, I have had to repair and modify it in order to get some more life out of the old bugger!

Many Morris sides have creatures or beasts as mascots and the horse is a fairly common creature.
It's said that any women who get trapped under the skirts of the horse will give birth ere a year is out!!!

But Ladies remember, Galleon is no respecter of age:

Old Mother Shipley from the village of Ripley
Was seventy five years old
She acted quite coarse
'Neath the skirts of the horse
And gave birth ere a year was told

Ah! Beer and fertility!!!
What more could a man want!?!?!?

May the first 2007
Inauguration!

My first "proper" dance was at the Roman Amphitheatre in Caerleon (Isca Silurium) in Gwent on May the first when we danced the sun up from 05.30 until it appeared!
I was actually very nervous! The other chaps in the side said "Don't worry about making a mistake or two as the public rarely notice and it's only Morris Men here today"

".....only .......Morris....... men..... here...... today!!!!!

I swiftly realised I would be dancing in front of my peers and that I would, despite the encouraging words, be judged by those peers!!!

However, the weather was glorious and there was not so much as a drop of dew on the grass and I did not fall over or drop my stick and made only one error, mis-sticking, during Constant Billy!!!

What I forgot to take into consideration,though, was that the practice sessions took place in a small room in a local pub (The Gladiator) and the Roman Amphitheatre is bloody huge!
Constant Billy went well (despite the sticking error!) but Usktown Reel meant a circuit of the Amphitheatre in the closing steps!!!
I can't remember if I single stepped, double stepped or simply hopped like hell to keep up but we made it through the dances and I was well and truly initiated!!!
This was followed by breakfast and beer at the Gladiator Inn at 07.30.

Cardiff Ladies

made up the numbers and did a few dances from their repettoire as well as joining the Isca Men in a couple.

Cardiff Ladies are a fine folk dancing group from......er...........Cardiff!

An aside

Beer seems to be an integeral part of Morris dancing and I have every intention of supporting this fine tradition.
By some strange twist of fate, or possibly magic, the venues we have throughout the coming year are centred at or around Real Ale pubs so it will be relatively easy for me to support small businesses!!!

Talking of beer

The first dance I attended (supporter not dancer) was at a village pub which will remain nameless due to the fact that the landlord had invited two Morris sides to help celebrate the re-opening of his pub and had ordered only ONE barrell of real ale for the day which ran out before the Morris men had actually arrived!!!
A couple of dances later and the Isca men and the Widders,

a great bunch of blacked up dancers with black and purple livery, promptly exited stage left to a pub in Chepstow where we had a fine selection of ales!!!

The Isca men will be appearing at the Tredegar House Park Folk Festival, Newport, on Saturday the 12th of May 2007 and I shall be taking the horse out for it's first outing as it's "rider" before and after my two dances.

More to follow, including photographs, after the Tredegar Folk Festival!

Coming out of the Morris closet

12/05/07
Well, it's Saturday morning and I am preparing for my first public dance!

I have a lot of friends and colleagues coming to support (titter at) me.

There are some female colleagues who are now known as Lawson's Morris Support Group AKA The Alanis Morrisettes who will be cheering me on with a vengance!!!
I have done what I can for Galleon and all he now needs is a "Feedbag" for collecting donations.
My outfit is laid out on the bed, my shoes are shining and I am nervous as hell!!!!
The weather is against me and we have more or less constant squally showers which is not helping my nerves.
On the positive side, there is a real ale festival combined with the folk festival!!!!
OK!!
Time to get dressed and go!!!

Black shoes, white socks, brown cord breeches (can't find regulation bottle green as yet), white hankerchiefs, white shirt, red sash, red kneckerchief, red, white and green armbands, Tatty coat and green Monmouth Cap.
I ask my children "How do I look?"
I shall not repeat the reply, they are 9 & 11!!!!!

I arrive and meet up with the rest of the side but we are quite thin on the ground for one reason and another. However, Sweyns Ey from Swansea are helping us out.
The festival begins with a procession of all the performers winding their way through the grounds of Tredegar Park and into the Corus Pavillion.
The show is officially opened by local MP, Paul Flynn, who provides us with a reminder of the servant/master history of Tredegar House and explains that the reason for the procession's symbolic "stopping for permission" to enter the house grounds is not unlike Black Rod at parliament having the door closed against him.
The first item on the agenda is a memorial dance to Barrie Butler, a co-founder of the festival and also a musician with the Isca Morrismen in his time.

The rain has stopped and, also, my worries of dancing in the wet were allayed when we found that the organisers had erected a contingency pavillion due to the bad weather so I would be dancing under cover!!
I am to dance Usktown Reel at 13.55 and Constant Billy at 15.25.

Following the opening ceremony I start my Morris duties by frightening children with the horse and handing out leaflets with our Summer tour dates to the audience.

Disaster!!!
Due to members being so thin on the ground and a couple of the Sweyns Ey men not knowing the dance I cannot dance Usktown Reel!

I continue to frighten children with the horse and hand out leaflets.

15.30 and I am on for Constant Billy.
I dance this at number three and will continue to do so until the winter practices begin again!!!
(Don't even think about moving me!!)
I made the same damn sticking error in this as I did at the Amphithatre but I was covered by the number four admirably.
The Squire announces to the audience that this had been my first public dance and I receive a most generous standing ovation (started, I fancy, by some friends in the audience).

I continue to frighten children and hand out leaflets (who says Morris dancing is dull?)

Disaster!
An energetic yank by a child (Yes, Morgan, I have your details!!!) on the piano wire mechanism that opens and closes the horses mouth snaps the wire and Galleon now stands there with mouth wide open!!!

I continue to hand out leaflets!

Finally the side's last dance comes to a close and arrangements are made for Tuesday 15/05/07 which is the Trellech Plateau Tour with Cwmni Gwerin Pont - y - Pwl.
Sadly, work committments prevent me from attending this one.

The festival was a great day and I met some old and unexpected friends.
Directing and dancing with "Mizzen", an Irish Set Dancing side, was Bertie "Dublin" Moran who is a legend and a giant in the Welsh/Celtic folk scene.
It had been over a quarter of a century since we last talked!

I well remember his dulcit brogue lilting across Newport Folk Club;
"If you want to talk when the act is on then F*** off up to the bus depot and talk"

He danced and led continuously for around twenty minutes which is not bad for a man who is now seventy!

I remember a particular show he promoted in 1969 as being one of the most memorable acts I have ever seen anywhere and anytime since when he brought the late great Peter Bellamy to town.
Peter was an ex member of the fabulous Young Tradition, a folk trio that specialised in the unaccompanied harmony singing of trditional ballads, and he had a repettoire of songs that ran into the thousands!!!
If that show was still going on I would still be in the audience!!
Nice one Dublin!

Well, in conclusion, the day was a success and a jolly good time was had by all!!
Even my friends had to admit that there was maybe more to Morris dancing than met the eye!
They have all asked for our itinery!!!
No recruits though!! (YET!)
Now? Well, it's back to work on that wide mouthed horse before 23/05/07 at Monmouth (The Punch House) and Newland (The Ostrich Inn).

That bloody horse

19/05/07
Getting withdrawal symptoms from dancing!!!
Galleon is currently in intensive care but I am hoping to move him into the high dependancy ward later if the piano wire transplant is succesful.
A course of nut, bolt and screw tightening combined with a fresh coat of paint and, fingers crossed, Galleon should be up and neighing for the Monmouth/Newland tour!

Later that very same day:
"Nurse, the long nose pincers"
I have spent 4 hours unwinding the knotted wire deep within the bowels of Galleon and it was not a pleasant job!
I found 12 different knotted endings to 13 different knotted wires and had to painstakingly unthread each one until I had only one wire from jaw to bowels left.
I have now successfully replaced the piano wire with a more stable length of picture frame wire and attached that to a mountaineer's carabiner -- for use as the "Puller" and Galleon is neighing gently away!
I shall be ever in the debt of my old Akela for teaching me the single thread reef knot (left over right and under - back on itself- right over left and under) which has been the saving of Galleon!!!!!!!
You could secure a space shuttle with that knot!!!
If only he could see me now!
Ah, despite the daft hat the Cub Scouting was all worthwhile!
Daft hat? For dancing I now wear a Monmouth cap which can fairly be described as a green bobble hat without a bobble but with two loops on it, one on top and one at the bottom!!!
History of said cap available on the Isca Men's site, link in my links page.
I shall apply some fresh paint tomorrow and Galleon shoud be the stallion he was by Wednesday!
What a great day!
Chelsea win the cup, Manchester United come second and Galleon is saved from the knackers yard.
Roll on Wednesday.

That bloody horse again!

                                                                        20/05/07

Oh, calamity!

Picture frame wire broke!!!
The day was saved by using the re-cycled A string which had snapped on my guitar.
After much testing I declare Galleon mended!
Still mended!!!!

Wye's & wherefores

23/05/07
The Punch House, Monmouth & the Ostrich,Newland
Dancing with the Lassington Oak men

I arrived at the Punch House late with 2 other Isca men but we got stuck into the dancing and drinking fairly quickly.

Oh, calamity!!
Due to the swiftness of our departure I forgot Galleon!!!!

We were down to 5 men this evening but were filled out superbly by some Lassington Oak men so I got to dance Constant Billy (yes, at number 3) at both pubs!
The European Cup Final, Liverpool 1, Inter Milan 2, was on the TV at the Punch House so the audience was more indoor televisual than outside live!

I could see from the outset that I was in for a night to remember when the Lassington men began some glorious singing with their dancing!

We only stayed a short while at the Punch House due in part to the football, the fact that the Ostrich does not have a T.V. and the main road to Newland was closed and we had to take a very very long diversion!!!

At the Ostrich (I cannot reccomend this pub highly enough!!!) we were plied with free ale (now there is an incentive to join a Morris side if ever there was one) and the motley began in the road outside with the Lassington Men taking the first couple of dances and songs.

Joined by two Lassington Men we danced Constant Billy and I felt that I did a fair performance if I say so myself!!!
In typical British fashion the traffic was uncomplainingly held up by Morris Men dancing in the road!!!

A few dances later and we retired to the bar to continue the revelry.
Food was placed before us and the singing and playing began.

The Lassington Oak side can best be described as either:
A portable folk club with a rich dancing reppetoirre or a movable feast!!!

While the Lassingtons got their instruments out we were led in a rousing version of "Randy Dandy O" which is a particular favourite of mine (see the Tredegar House Folk Festival entry above and the Peter Bellamy namecheck as it was one of the songs he performed on the night mentioned)

The lads produced a guitar, whistles, recorders, violins, accordians, a tuba, a mandolin and the mandolin player, a Nigel Kennedy look alike complete with spiky hair, produced a sort of telescopic Didjeree Jug thing which added resonance beyond belief to a couple of numbers!!!

A more talented and more affable bunch of chaps one could not wish to meet!!!!!

My excursions into the auncient worlde of the Morris led me last night into a place of wonderment, merriment, cameraderie and damn fine beer!!!

To quote the Lassington Squire: MORE ALE!!!

Great expectations

24/05/07
Looking forward to the Clevedon Bandstand and Royal Oak tour on the 31/05/07 where we will be supported by the Mendip Morrismen

I will remember to take Galleon this time and give him an outing at the seaside!!!

Panic station

25/05/07
It has just occurred to me that I have not been able to dance Usktown Reel since the first of May!!!
A scary thought as I am now only vaguely aware of the stepping and sticking!
Probably calls for more ale!

                                   Missionary work in England
31/05/07
Clevedon bandstand and the Royal Oak.
A foray into darkest England where they still smoke in pubs!!!
(You will catch up with us Welsh soon!!!)
Clevedon was wet and grey as we arrived in the car park of the Little Harp just down from the bandstand where we were to perform our first dances.
We looked at the weather, the bandstand and the pub in that order.
Priorities were made and Old Speckled Hen was ordered at the bar.
We were the first to arrive and so we kept a (wet) weather eye on the bandstand.
No one there.
We turned to face our ale.
We supped our ale.
We returned to face the bandstand.
30 people in the bandstand!!!
Morris men are like buses; none for ages and then you can’t swing a cat in a bloody bandstand for them!!!
I swiftly downed my ale and put the glass on the bar.
My comrades casually picked up their pewter pots and slowly took their ale to the bandstand.
(Mental note: Purchase pewter pint pot ASAP)

The weather was now a curate’s egg and we were able to perform a couple of numbers under the bandstand and a couple outside the bandstand.

No Calamity!
I found a phone booth and transformed into the super stallion Galleon who seemed to enjoy the sea air and he happilly clacked his jaws merrilly away in time to the music and without mishap.

We borrowed a Mendip man (seems to be a theme here of borrowing men to dance – check out the other entries above!) and we danced Constant Billy.
We danced it under the cover of the stand which is not huge and meant that the six of us and the musicians were surrounded by a score of Morris Men milling around us and so the dance was more of a Morris Minor!

                                 Oh calamity! (but not for me)
As I mis-sticked, thinking “well, here I am in the middle of a bunch of Morris Men huddled under a small bandstand in the rain doing a soft shoe shuffle version of Constant Billy, I am sure no one will notice that”, the borrowed Mendip man dropped a stick!
Raucous cheers, howls of laughter and many comradely insults hurled from his friends!!!
Smugly I saw my mis-sticking pale into insignificance!

A couple more dances and we went to the Royal Oak just off the seafront.
I walked there and made another mental note: Bring Wifey and offspring here during the summer.
Clevedon is a lovely little seaside village with a re furbished pier, a tiny rocky beach and a couple of fabulous pubs!

The Mendip Men are great dancers and they performed the very appropriate Royal Oak amongst others.

                      “Instant Karma’s gonna get you”
We borrowed a couple of Mendip Men and danced Vandals.
One too many sticks had been dragged out of the bag.
I held it while the lads danced.
I held it until I dropped it during their dance.
I dropped the bloody stick and I was not even in the bloody dance!!!
Raucous cheers, howls of laughter and many comradely insults hurled from his friends!!!

The evening finished with a mature cheddar brown bread pickle onion feast, washed down with some of the finest Woods ale I have had in a long time, and some jolly fine music.
(No singing, but jolly fine music none the less)
Thanks, Mendip Men, for a great night!
Still no Usk Town Reel!!!
Back over the bridge and home; at 'r dirio chan 'r angylesau (to the land of the angels)
More once we have been to the Hogs Head, Treadham, in deepest Monmouthshire where we will be sharing the night with the City Clickers, a Bristolian Clog and Step Dancing side on Wednesday the sixth of June at 20.30h.
Map available from the Isca Men site. Click the link in my links page.

One of those nights!!!

06/06/07
The Hog's Head, Treadham.

Where to start?

1/ With that bloody horse breaking it's wire again?

2/ The sleeve of my Tatty coat practically falling off?

3/ Or, maybe the false start and re start to Constant Billy?

4/ Possibly the false start and restart to Usktown Reel?
(I had a feeling in my water about Usktown Reel)

Ever had a day when you think "If you can keep your head while all about are losing theirs", and realised that it's all about that are keeping theirs and it is you that is.............................................?

A Morris Man's nightmare and a novice's in particular!!!

Another bloody marvelous night!!!
Take the rough with the smooth and keep smiling!*

The City Clickers were a joy to behold and the music in the bar later was great.

The "borrowing" theme was un-needed tonight as we had enough men AND musicians to see us through the merrymaking!

Even through adversities, disasters and calamities Morris men keep smiling, drinking, singing and telling themselves "We know it was a cock up, the other side know it was a cock up, but the public don't know it was a cock up!"

Pass the hat and queue at the bar because you never know when you might hear those magic words "On the 'ouse, Dancers!!!"

On the bright side

1/ I have invented a new way of permantly repairing Galleon

2/ A collegue of mine is a seamstress

3/ It's a learning curve

4/ It will always be a learning curve
(I will always have a feeling about Usktown Reel in my water)

All in all it was a great night in a lovely part of the Monmouthshire countryside that I have never visited before.

*Taking the rough with the smooth:
One small critiscism:
I have to say that I like my beer to be delivered by the shortest possible route from the cellar to my belly, served at cellar temperature, and not diverted through the cooler.
I dislike perma frost condensation on my pint which practically makes my tongue sticks to the glass!
Other than that I thought that the Bass, when left alone in the warm evening sunshine for 10 minutes, was excellent!!!

I am a bit old fashioned when it comes to beer and still consider the use of hand pumps "New fangled" and quite Heath Robinson!!!
Place it, spile it, tap it, leave it, pour it.......from the bloody barrell tap!!!

Re this, I can highly reccomend the Royal Oak in Cardiff which, as far as I am aware, is the only pub left in Cardiff to pour Brains SA direct from the barrell as a matter of practice as opposed to this method for the occasional guest ale.

Looking forward to Our next tour which is:
Wed 13th - Joint Pub Tour with Forest of Dean Morrismen

The Crown, St. Briavels 8.00 p.m.
&
The George Inn, St. Briavels 9.00 p.m.

A great night over the border with the Forest of Dean men in St Briavels.

I could not help but note that the average age of the forest men was far in excess of the average age of the Isca men which not only made me feel quite young at 56 but also made me realise that it is absolutely irrelevant of how old you are when dancing the Morris provided that:
The enjoyment quotient (EQ) is higher out of one hundred than the average age of the side, and that the combined total pints of ale drank on a dancing night is higher than half the age of the oldest dancer provided that he is:

A/ still dancing the Morris

B/ still breathing

C/ still drinking ale

Or D/ still buying ale

Now, take the two figures (in the case of last night the EQ was 95 and the combined sides pints total was 50) add them together and this total, in last night’s case 145, makes up the enjoyment factor.

125 = a good night
135 = a bloody good night
145 = a brilliant night
155 and over = a brilliant night and a hangover
The above can be referred to as the Morris Evening Satisfaction Scale, or MESS for short as in "We were in a right MESS last night!"

The Crown Inn
We had some audience participation, once audience arms were twisted, for which I was most grateful as it made me almost look like I knew what I was doing!!!

I am pleased to report that I danced Constant Billy wonderfully and made not one sticking error!!!

In sheer bliss I went to the bar.

When I asked if I could perhaps dance Constant Billy with bells on next time it was pointed out that I could when my stepping was double and not single!!!

I said that I would be able to offer a syncopated under rhythm which could afford a counter beat to the stepping and that my alternate single stepping style would add a delicate visual and audible quality to the dance.

My comrades smiled knowingly and I went to the bar.

The Forest men danced wonderfully and I was particularly impressed by a dance they performed with each man carrying both a long stick and a short stick.
The dance is called Jenny Lind and as well as being fantastically danced by the Forest men I was immediately struck by the thought that a long stick and a short stick are what makes up the two ends of the threshing flail when joined together with a chain.
I shall be updating my origins page straight away!!

The Crown had a brace of real ales, London Pride and Rucking Mole.
The London Pride was well kept and a pleasure to taste.
The Rucking Mole was a new one for me and I was most impressed by its bitter sweet flowery after taste.

A short walk down the village lane to the George and we danced Usktown Reel which went well considering the feeling I had in my water!
Once again we pressed the audience and had two willing volunteers to act as silly as the rest of us!

The George also had a brace of ales but I could not really comment on the Cats Whiskers as it was at the end of the barrel in my opinion and ready for chips!
I poured half of it away and went back to the bar.
The Doom Bar, however, was very pleasant and more than made up for the Cats Arse.

All in all a jolly good night was had by all and some damn fine dancing had been performed!!!

Thanks Forest men for a brilliant night!

22/06/07

Full Metal Polish

Twas the night before Trellech and all through the house
nothing was stirring not even a mouse.
I was, though, as I have been busy cleaning my find.
I went into a charity shop and spied the dirtiest piece of metallic junk I have ever seen. Upon closer inspection I noted that it was a Pint pot, not Pewter but EPNS which is as good as pewter for drinking out of.
I gave the lady (are all charity shop workers fully paid up members of the blue rinse club?) my one pound coin and took my find home.
I opened a can of Old Speckled Hen and a tin of Brasso and then dug out an orange duster from under the sink.

(Is there anyone that does not have an orange duster under the sink?
It's one of life's constants like humbugs in your Grannies apron pocket or falling in mud when wearing your "best" trousers to school.)

I sipped the Old Speckled Hen as I rubbed Brasso onto the pot and I Soon began to find metal beneath the grime.
I continued rubbing and eventually found four letters engraved upon the mug:
R A O B
The initials of the Royal Antedeluvian Order of Buffaloes.
I chuckled an ironic chuckle and guffawed an ironic guffaw.
I was actually blackballed from the "Buffs" by Brother Eddie for expressing my personal oppinion re the royal family.
Well, he did ask what I thought of our royal family and I am not one to lie or even, especially when on my 5th pint of Felin Foel, prevaricate or procrastinate.
So I was blackballed, cashiered, booted out, sacked, told never to darken the doors of any lodge anywhere in the world ever again!
The funniest part of it was that after I was unceremoniously kicked by the lodge I was quietly approached by ex Brothers and asked if I would be so kind as to not divulge the handshakes to anyone.
Brothers, I have not!
Once the pot was gleaming outside and clean inside I poured the remainder of my Old Speckled Hen into the pot and slowly quaffed.
I pictured myself strolling slowly towards the bandstand in Clevedon!

RIGHT!

If I can only convince the side I can dance with bells I will have a full kit!!!

(Wake up and smell the Old Speckled Hen!)

My outfit is ready for the Trellech beer festival tomorrow where I shall dance Constant Billy at number 3, have a feeling in my water about Usktown Reel, frighten children with Galleon and be able to walk around with my beer!

MORE ALE!

23/06/07
The Lion Inn Beer festival
Trellech

Hells Bells, Herb lore and a lesson in astrophysics on a rainy day in Trellech
Hienrik, from Hell in Norway, is a TV presenter and he and his crew joined us for this outing in Trellech in order to capture some typically British traditions.
He had played Polo the previous day and was to play Cricket the following day so it’s easy to spot the logic in putting Morris dancing in the middle of those pastimes.

My day started with some trepidation as my knees had been hurting like hell for the best part of a week.
However, being an uncomplaining Morris dancer I made the effort and explained to my wife that despite the agony I was in and the fact that I was barely able to walk due to the pain (which being male pain was so much worse than girlie pain, rather in the same way that Bloke Flu is so much worse than Girlie Flu) I would still go and see how I felt after rubbing some liniment in.

My first liniment rub was Moles’ Tap which I thought very nice.
My second pint of Liniment was Pink Panther from the Cwmbran brewery.
By my third mug of liniment, Brue, from Sussex I was feeling considerably better.
I also noticed that there was an herb garden in the pub car park and took the opportunity to pick some Comfrey, also known as Knit bone, bruise the leaves and put them in my socks over my knees.
This was quite miraculous and within minutes the pain had gone! (Obviously the liniment helped)
I highly recommend the use of Comfrey in this way as a stop gap measure and as a poultice if you have the time.

This is a paragraph from an article about Comfrey:
Comfrey has a wide range of medicinal benefits, both internal and external. Its actions are anti-bacterial, anti-fungal, anti-inflammatory, anodyne (lessens pain), astringent (shrinks soft tissue and contracts blood vessels, thus checking blood flow), demulcent (softens), expectorant, expels mucous, emollient (softens), haemostatic (stops bleeding), proliferant (stimulates cell growth), refrigerant (cooling effect), mild sedative and vulnerary (healing). Comfrey’s high nutrient content makes it an excellent tonic. Comfrey contains 18 amino acids! It is rich in protein, vitamin C, A and B12. (There are only two plants containing vit. B12 in the whole plant kingdom. One is Lucerne (Alfalfa) and the other is Comfrey.

I danced Constant Billy and Usk Town Reel (yes, at number three and with a feeling in my water which may have been the Pink Panther) and was pressed into two dances I had never seen before let alone practiced.
Well, you have to try don’t you?
As indeed did Hienrik.
We had dressed Him up in an Isca outfit and he danced a few numbers for his television show, “Golden Goal”.
“Well done” we all said after his performance, “well done, Hienrik, you did really well and absolutely looked the part. Especially with your bells on”!!!
How come the Viking gets to dance with bells and I don’t?
More pointing out that I can wear bells when my stepping improves!!!
It was helpfully (well, gleefully, really) suggested by our Foreman, Brian, that I might want to say “Jingle, Jangle” as I danced.
I stepped nimbly to the bar: One two three hop, one two three hop, one two three hop.
Buggers didn’t even notice!!!
As I came out of the bar, however, I noticed something;
That the Squire was carrying a yard of ale.

astrophysics:
A nanosecond is described thus in an encyclopaedia: A nanosecond is one billionth of a second and is used primarilly in measuring the speed and distances of light under controlled conditions

“Right, I need a vollunt………………..”
I am sure the Squire said more but I already had the yard in my hands by then.
Any faster and I would have seen my self drinking it!
(Think about it!!)
It was to be a challenge twixt my good self, with the honour and pride of, not only the Isca men at stake, but, dare I say it, the whole of Britain, and that bell wearing TV presenting viking from hell.
He held his HALF A YARD and I held my WHOLE YARD.
(Norwegians obviously don’t realise that size is important in matters of ale)
With the eyes of the world upon us (well, quite a few tipsy people from Trellech and, soon, a couple of million Norwegians) I awaited the starting signal:
One, Two, Three (I thought the Squire was going to say HOP here) GO!
With almost as much national pride coursing through my veins as there was ale I thought “This will repay you for the invasion of York, the despoiling and pillaging of Lindisfarne and wearing my sodding bells” I drank....... and drank....... and drank....... and drank....... and hicupped and the bloody Viking beat me.
Ever gracious in defeat (I am married with children so it’s second nature to me) we shook hands and I went to the bar, one two three hop one two three hop muttering “Jingle bloody jangle”
Buggers still didn’t notice!
I returned with my Nth pint of ale and fell into a conversation about driving.
“Oh, you can drive, can you?”
Said Brian.
“Yes, shall I drive to the Ring O Bells? Oh! I can’t can I?”
“So, your turn next” replied Brian.
Well, I had got away with it for some time!
I am now on the transport rosta.
So, another great and glorious day of Morris despite the weather, vikings, knees and being outed as a driver.
I was even asked "Is that the infamous RAOB pot you have there?"
It was indeed!
I arrived home, poured a can of Old Speckled Hen into said pot and put the radio on............. “Hey Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me , in the jingle jangle morning I’ll come following you”
Bugger off, Bob!

26/06/07

Sons of britches

I have been dancing with the Isca Men since Mayday (a couple of practice dances in the latter part of the practice season notwithstanding) and I have had to turn out in brown cord britches as I could not find a pair of bottle green britches.
This despite searching high, low and all points in between.
Indeed, it was on a green cord forage that I found the infamous RAOB pot!
I am now on tea and talking terms with some lovely blue rinsers in the local charity shops!
I explored every commercial avenue in Newport and Cardiff but they all turned into cul de sacs!
I did find a perfect pair while surfing the net but was unprepared to pay £64.99 + Post and Package to then have them tailored into britches.
On Monday, however, I eventually found a pair in one of the local charity shops and have already had them made into britches.

Tomorrow, then, at the St. Julian and the Bell, both in Caerleon, I shall almost, nearly, virtually, practically be able to blend in at last as I dance in Black shoes, white knee length socks, green cord britches, white shirt, red sash, armbands, Monmouth cap and tatty coat.
I shall dance merrily away muttering jingle jangle to Constant Billy followed by a jingly jangly feeling in my water as I dance Usk Town Reel.

Tomorrow should be a good night as both the St. Julian and the Bell have reputations for good ale and there is a sing along after the dancing ends.
I, though, shall not be singing
“The Bells of Rhymney”
but will instead be singing along to Tex Ritter’s
“I’ve got spurs that jingle jangle jingle”.

If someone had told me I would be angsting over the lack of a pair of bottle green corduroy britches (picture Frodo Baggins’ trousers in Lord of the rings, the motion picture and you will get the idea of what they look like) as little as year ago I would have laughed in my beer!
Ditto the bells!

27/06/07
The St. Julian & The Bell
with
Cardiff Morris

Ooh er, Missus, titter ye not, some fine ale, a killer Perry, some fabulous music, a terrible truth revealed, magic words, he'll sleep well tonight and revenge is a dish that is best served cold.

As we walked into the St. Julian’s all heads turned, which is not unusual given our garb. Two extremely attractive young ladies asked if we were Morris dancers.
Black shoes, white socks, green britches, white shirt, red sash, tatty coat and a hobby horse over my shoulder.
“No, just out for a beer”
“Really?”
“No, we are Morris dancers”
“Are you dancing here tonight?”
“Indeed”
“When?”
“Ten minutes or so”
“What’s the horse’s name?”
“Galleon”
“As in Galleon the stallion?”
“Yep”
“Cool, can I go down under it?”
I lifted Galleon’s skirts and as the young lady got down under I warned her of the consequences and told her of Old Mother Shipley!
I brought the skirt back down and advised her to grasp firmly the hard rod in front of her face.
She giggled and complied.
I told her that she needed to give Galleon a good tug to make him neigh
She giggled and complied.
Galleon opened and closed his mouth and neighed contentedly and his tugger remained firm!
Our young friend re-appeared from ‘neath the skirts looking quite flushed!
She smiled and said “See you later”

To the bar!
I tried a sip of the Spinning Dog Brewery’s Mutley’s Revenge, 4.8% ABV but it was not to my taste so I opted for Wells’ Bombardier at 4.3 which is an old faithful!
We retired to the veranda that overlooks the river to join our comrades and our guests, Cardiff Morris, a mixed side.

Dances were danced by both sides and more ale consumed.
I felt that I did not do that badly in Constant Billy (I think it is being renamed Constantly Lawson) but Usk Town Reel needed a little more space than was available on the veranda.
That said it was danced with gusto and was well received.
The young lady mentioned above joined in as a willing volunteer from the audience in a hankie dance and acquitted herself very well.
So much so that Cardiff Morris took her name and number.
I asked our treasurer, Nigel, why we had not asked her.
He replied that if we did we would be have to leave the Morris Ring and join the Morris Federation as the Ring are Men only sides and the Federation are made up of mixed sides.
“So we can never have women in our side?”
“That’s right”
"Never, ever?"
"Never, ever"
Sometimes the truth is just too hard to bear!
I went to the bar.
I asked Cardiff Morris if we could at least have a transfer fee for filching a Newport lass but to no avail.
I went to the bar.

To the Bell!
We left the St. Julian and drove the short distance to the Bell.
I had never been to the Bell before and was immediately impressed with its fine selection of ales and ciders.
The magic words poured forth like warm milk and honey from Sian the barmaid’s lips:
“On the house dancers”
I met up with friends and tried to entice two of them into participating but to no avail as the three peaks race and gout had rendered them dance free zones!
They enjoyed the spectacle though and did not titter at me despite this:

and this

and even.....

When the dancing was over we went into the bar and had a couple more well deserved beers and to listen to some fabulous music from Marcus and friends!
I tried Jacko’s Coal Trimmer but more out of curiosity than anything else as I am not really a fan of dark ales.
After that I went for Jacko’s NPA which is a very nice session ale indeed.
However, because Rob the barman couldn't get into the cellar to put a new beer on: Tony, the landlord, had to leave at 10pm for an early start the following day regarding another pub they're taking on, the ales began to run out as the pub was packed to the gills so I glanced at the Cider and Perry board and opted for a 7% ABV, Blakeney’s Red Perry from the Gwynt y Ddraig cider company which was the nicest thing that this old dancer had had in his mouth in a long while.
However, I had drunk quite a few beers prior to the Perry and at 7% ABV it was quickly game set and match to Red Perry and I went home to my bed a sleepy little dancer!

So, yet another great night of fun and frivolity was had by all!

I shall miss our next dance on Wed 4th of July - Caerphilly Borders - Joint Pub Tour with Clocs Canton due to work commitments!!!
However I shall be at the Chepstow Folk Festival on Satuday the 7th of July but, now that I have been outed as a driver, I shall be driving and, therefore, dry!!!!!
My first dry dance!!!
I need my embrocation and liniment to ensure supple joints!!!
OH, CALAMITY!!!

07/07/07
Two Rivers Folk Festival
Chepstow

A day at the races

Galleon having a canter but falling at the final fence, Fast Eddie, not so Graeme Norton, Set the controls for the heart of the sun, Gunner Milligan, some fabulous dancing, more Morris dancers than you could shake a stick at, and two of the best sides I have seen this year!

I was driving today and picked up our treasure, Nigel, sorry, treasurer, Nigel at 08.30 and left for Chepstow where we were to dance at various spots around the town on the Saturday leg of the Chepstow Two Rivers Folk Festival.

Once again Sweyns ey helped us out due to member’s prior commitments and injury.
I say helped out due the fact that whilst the chaps are either full or country members they were in Sweyns Ey livery.
We all met up at the Beaufort Hotel and discussed the, venues, beer and lunch for the day.
I think some dancing was also mentioned!

The first dances were at the Bridge Inn where we were teamed up with the Beltane

and OBJ

sides.
These two blacked up sides are totally dedicated to having fun and their joi de vivre shone throughout their dances and beyond!!!
Beltane in particular, with their huge band and women members, really impressed me!!! (Especially the fish nets and short skirts, and you should see the women!!!)
That said I was also very impressed with OBJ’s Gunner Mulligan, the tin hatted bearded accordionist’s short grey skirt.
I look forward to the next opportunity to tour with them!
I have added their home page links to the interesting links page so do visit them!

Starting at the Bridge Inn we took dances in turn and went through four numbers each before moving on to the Three Tuns which stands in the shadow of Chepstow castle and serves a great pint of Butcombes.
There we met a dancer from New Zealand, Graeme Norton, who was over here (or is that up here?) at Bath doing a PhD.
He is a member of the NZ side, Heart of the sun

(HOTS for short)
but was wearing his Priston Jubilee side's livery.

Priston were formed during the Queen’s silver jubilee
(Jiwbili Ych y fi)
year as a one off but has been dancing ever since!
He danced a few numbers with us and is now a badge wearing international member!

Following the “All fall down and kiss them better” skit performed at the end of “Beaux of London City” (Shooting) I suggested that the beautiful volunteer may like to kiss Graeme down under as he was from New Zealand!!!
He received a peck on the cheek.
Sorry, Graeme, I tried!!!
One of the Beltane ladies also helped with the kissing and left black marks on the lips of two members which I can only hope was wiped off before returning home to the bosom of their families!

I was only able to have a couple of beers due to being a driver and I opted for the Rhymney Bitter at the Beaufort and the above mentioned Butcombes at the Three Tuns.
Both beers were very well kept!

The Beaufort was not only awash with Morris men but was hosting a wedding and had hundreds of folk festival visitors and locals to attend to and yet managed admirably despite the amount of people demanding to be served next!!
All credit to the bar staff who were magnificent!!!

Following lunch I got a bit carried away with the Beltane’s dancing whilst under the skirts of Galleon and, while tugging furiously away on my puller in time with the band, Oh, calamity, the bloody wire broke again!!!
The next new dancer we get can have the dubious pleasure of being Galleon’s jockey because currently that horse and I are not talking!
Good tug though!

During the last set of dances we were joined by Eddie from the Mendip men who, because of his team member’s commitments, was the only one who could make it.
We had Eddie, Graeme, two Sweyns Ey men and two Isca Men (one of whom is a Jersey boy) for the last dance so it was quite an international event with New Zealand, England, Jersey and Wales being represented!
As for my dancing, I danced Constant Billy twice and Stamp stamp clap clap clap once.
My Constant Billy’s were impeccable and not one error was made.
Quasimodo please take note!
On the MESS scale I think we made 150 despite my batting average being down to only a couple of beers because of driving duties!
Roll on Wednesday!!!

11/07/07
Tintern

Wye not, single file, a geriatric attack, cider gliding, an odd machine, a painful awakening and a horse in the lost and found.

Another marvellous night of Morris was had in Tintern deep in the heart of the Wye valley.
We began at the Moon and Sixpence and danced in the car park opposite the pub while the audience gathered on the verandas (AKA posh smoking areas) and had a bird’s eye view (people who know the pub will be pleased to note that the bird is no longer a canary!!!)
I quite envied the audience up on their veranda, pints in hand, overlooking the lazy river Wye winding slowly through the beautiful village of Tintern and watching some fabulous dancing as the evening sun sank slowly down in the western sky.

We were joined, this evening, by Tiger Feet; a Cardiff based Appalachian dance side that were somewhat incongruously kitted out in black and amber which is, of course, Newport County’s colours as opposed to being kitted out in Blue and white, Cardiff’s colours.

At the Moon and Sixpence I had the Butty Bach which was in superb condition and we took turns to dance with Tiger Feet who tapped, shuffled and kicked merrily away on their portable dance floor.
When the call came I Constant Billied like a veteran!
Back at number three I am pleased to say!

Following a few dances we left the Moon and Sixpence and went to the Cherry Tree which is up a lane so narrow that only proctologists are able to park properly!
Tiger Feet were able to utilize the pub’s stage thereby avoiding the need to unpack their portable Lego dance boards and we danced under cover of the marquee abutted onto the pub to accommodate the stage and, I suppose, smokers.
I danced Usktown Reel and afterwards became the “Band member” who gets shot after Beaux of London, (Shooting).
I lay on the floor and waited for my loyal comrades to bring to me the most beautiful maiden in the audience to administer the kiss of life.
I opened one eye surreptitiously to see if the maid was the jolly attractive blonde bombshell I had earlier spotted (and, indeed, pointed out as a likely candidate) to find what I think might have been my Grandmother’s elderly aunt bearing down on me at a rate of puckered knots!!!
It actually might have been falling down on me at a rate of puckered knots as I noted that two of my comrades had to help her down and then help her back up again!
The “dead dancers” had to stand up for their kisses!
I laid back, thought of England, kept my mouth firmly shut (for fear of swallowing dentures) and thanked Bacchus and other assorted gods of wine and ale for the brewer’s art!
Ah, Sweet ale, what can’t you cure?
And talking of beer, I tried the Wessex Brue and the Butcombes (on quite a number of occasions) at the Cherry Tree and finished up on a couple of fabulous Thatcher’s Farmer’s Tipple cider.
Well, I was drinking to forget!

While inside the pub deciding which of the ales or ciders to go for I noticed a rather strange looking machine behind the bar.
I consulted with John and we ascertained that it was an automatic mulled wine dispenser!!!!!
It looked for all the world like an espresso coffee maker!
Honestly, an electric mulled wine maker!!!
I laughed like a maniac when john asked if I would like chocolate on my wine!
We went on to discuss the possibilities of dispensing Ripple and Thunderbird from a similar dispenser.
(it was five pints hilarious at the time)
Despite my love at first sight with the Cherry Tree I shall be giving electric wine a miss!

The Morris continues to present me with the most astounding pubs!
The Moon and Sixpence and the Cherry Tree are up there in my top pubs list!
Great service, great ale and great cider.
When I return to the Cherry Tree, however, I would appreciate being banned from the cider as I felt quite dreadful this morning while following a trail of Morris clothes out of my bedroom, still buttoned shirt, tankard and armband, down the stairs, other armband and green cord britches, through the dining room, white socks, neckerchief and hankies, and into the kitchen where I found a single black shoe.
I hope to locate the other before Henllys village fete on Saturday!
I could not find any sign of my Tatty coat but on the bright side I also could not locate that bloody horse!
My wife asked me how I felt and I informed her that even my hair hurt.
She offered not one whit of sympathy, so it was situation normal there then!
After breakfast I checked my emails and read that Nigel had found a Tatty coat and a horse in the boot of his car!
So, that bloody horse and I are together again on Saturday at the village fete!
I am looking forward to Saturday’s dancing in particular as Henllys is part of my old stamping ground and where my brothers and I used to help our Uncle Gwyn Skuse at Fferm Ysgubor Newydd -New Barn Farm- (now a Barrett/Wimpy housing estate following the compulsory purchase of his land by Cwmbran Council!!!) during the haymaking in exchange for a ten bob note and all the cider you could drink!!!
Some things never change!

14/07/07
Henllys village fete
Due to some unforseen circumstances I was unable to make the Henllys village fete.
A shame as I was looking foward to it so much!!!
Still, I have Wednesday's Abergavenny and Pantygelli tour to look forward to where I can once again induldge myelf in the terpsichorian arts.

18/07/07
The Hen and Chickens, Abergavenny
&
The Crown, Pantygelli
The end of term, memories of wellies, badged up but not belled up, an old chum learning to enjoy the Morris, a fond farewell to nerves and the secret of happiness.

Last night’s dancing had a very school boyish end of term feel about it and I felt that we were all sad and glad in more or less equal proportions.
For me it was sad because I have enjoyed the dancing so much but glad because I can start learning new dances in the practice season which will fall upon us soon.

We started our night’s revelry at The Hen and Chickens in Flannel Street, Abergavenny which is a delightful place to dance, tucked away as it is up an alley off the main street.
Their Reverend James was spot on and a couple of pints went down quickly!
With us was an old friend of mine, Sue Frame, who began the evening with bemusement before moving onto the men holding their big sticks double entendres, stallion jokes about the way I hold Galleon, thence to asking questions and thence to very much enjoying the evening.
She now looks forward to the couple of dances, Mumming and Wassailing left to us this year.

The schoolboy feel was noticeable as the side put their bells on and my stepping was again noted as a reason for not having them.
The usual ribaldries were exchanged and I was given, not bells, but an Isca Men 21st anniversary badge for my sash.
Nigel complained asking “why haven’t I got one of those?” so I pointed out that he did, at least, have bells!
I constant Billied away and Usktown Reeled as if there were no tomorrow and reflected on the first couple of times I danced them.
Nervous, halting, cack handed sticking and bumping into my fellow dancers!
Tonight I was halting, my sticking cack handed and I bumped into my fellow dancers but I was not nervous!
Volunteers from the audience were pressed into service, fun was had and the hat passed around!

We left for Pantygelli and the Crown.
They had cleared the patio area for our motley and we had plenty of dance room.
The Hen and Chickens is a rare old pub with a country feel despite it being in the middle of Abergavenny whereas the Crown is 10 miles from nowhere, 6 miles from somewhere, 5 miles from anywhere and has the most wonderful view of the Skiridd Mountain.
I once ran up the Skiridd in Wellingtons.
No!
Not at all!
Nothing to do with sheep!
I was camping with friends and due to an inclement forecast that warned us to expect precipitation of deluvian proportions we took wellies.
In the event it was damp though not uncomfortable but still a little slushy so I wore the wellies.
But I digress!
The Crown is worth a visit if you are passing but if you want feeding then remember that you are in Great Britain and you need to arrive after six and before nine!!!
I galloped about with Galleon, the slack jawed yokel, and danced Usktown Reel again.
The frivolity continued with more press ganging of the audience and hat passing until it was time to leave.
Actually, I didn’t want to leave as I felt so happy there with my fellow Morris men, pints in hand (Rhymney bitter and very nice too!) on a warm summer’s evening, pints in hand, listening to the music that carried on after the dancing, pints in hand.
But leave I had to and leave I did, pint in hand.

This first term as a dancer has been an educational, entertaining and interesting time for me.
I have discovered pubs that one could die for and beers that one could cry for.
I have made a lot of great new friends and learned the secrets of happiness:

Dance like no bugger is watching!
Sing like no bugger is listening!
Drink like no bugger is paying!

See you all after the annual family fortnight to the Vendee!!

MORE ALE!
(Vin, Cidre, Ricard, bier etc)

Home again home again merrilly so!!!

Above is a picture of the dancing men of St. Gille Croix de vie, in the Vendee, performing a stick dance at the town's folk festival

Home is the hero home from the family hellidays.
Back from France where I noted that the Cidre Bouche from Britany has increased in price from one to 1.5 Euros a litre!!!!! (thasht illmosht eighty pensh a pint, HIC!!!)
Funny thing when you think that it's actually cheaper to drink that nectar of the Gods than it is to drink that White Lightning garbage sold as "White cider" that has never even seen an apple but is kept at such a ridiculously low price it encourages dependancy and addiction!!
(and as a person who works with the homeless and the excluded I observe it's destructiveness daily!!!)
Anyway, while in France I saw the most wonderful dancing at the Challans Autre Foix and at St. Gille Croix de Vie.
Picture above.
I have also posted other some pictures of the dancers on the interesting pictures page.
The kids were bored witless and my wife ditto but they allowed me to induldge myself in the pleasure of it all while they sat at one of the long tables in the town square and ate the grilled whole sardines.
I was at the front drinking muscadet and taking admiring photos!!!

However, I arrived home to find that something awful has happened to my left knee!!!
It is currently the size of one of the smaller of the Channel Islands (Lithou or possibly Brechou) and I am now using a stick!!!
Oh, calamity, indeed!!!
I shall be taking things very easy over the next couple of weeks and increasing my cod liver oil dosage (as well as my ale intake just to be sure!!)
My fingers are well and truly crossed re our September dances:

Thu 6th - Pub Tour of Usk with The Widders

8.30 p.m.Nags Head Inn, Usk
&
9.30 p.m.Greyhound Inn, Usk

Hmmmmmm, Usk.
I have a reeling feeling in my water!!!
I look forward to these as I am a big Widders fan!!!
Well, all for now as I must take my codliver oil & etc!

Friday 31/08/07
A visit to the stable, the old kit bag, muster parade and a solemn vow

Despite better judgement, common sense, logical positivism and a feeling in my water I ventured into the garage where Galleon is stabled (my wife will not normally have him anywhere in the house) with a view to repairing the olde bugger again.
I looked at Galleon.

Lawson's Beer, Music & Morris Dancing Blog

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